There is a slight hint of language that I often find myself saying when I feel the need to do so.
At first, the adjustment looks small and feels small. But in fact, there is a life-giving truth contained in it. And equally, the biggest risk is to miss.
I first noticed this years ago, during a conversation about minimalism.
I was talking to a woman who had just started to simplify her home, and she said, “It’s really hard for me because I’m a woman, and women like nice things.”
I don’t think he meant it the other way around. In fact, I’m sure he didn’t. It was just something he believed to be true.
But soon, my mind went to the many women I know—online and offline—who have shown me what it looks like to live a simple life. Many women I know who are not attracted to “good things,” and who have chosen a different path and speak boldly about the freedom they have gained because of it.
So I returned a different opinion: “Not all women like nice things.”
It’s a small change—just one word added to a sentence. But this is an important point. Because ifeverythingwomen love beautiful things, then yes, simplicity becomes impossible. But if it endsothers… suddenly there is room to choose something different.
Over the years, I’ve heard the same type of thinking manifest itself in different ways:
- “Women love fashion.”
- “Boys go in cars.”
- “People who grew up poor can’t get rid of things.”
- “Teachers always hold on to all resources.”
- “Students are never separated from their books.”
- “Artists need clutter to be creative.”
In each case, personal experience is externalized—assumed to be universal and increasingly, irreplaceable.
But here’s the thing: they are not universal truths.
- Otherswomen love fashion. But not all women.
- Othersmen buy expensive toys. But not all men.
- Otherspeople who grew up poor find it hard to throw things away. But not all.
- Othersteachers keep all resources.
- Otherspeople struggle to break free from their past.
- Othersstudents cannot throw books away.
Each of these statements is more accurate than the universal assumption we make based on our experience.
And the more we realize that, the more we can grow and expand our power to change. Because if we are tied to our behavior because of something we cannot change, we are a prisoner to it. But when we realize that everyone’s inclinations are not the same as ours, we are free to choose a different path.
This is good news that we all need to hear.
To illustrate this point, after a speaking event one evening, a woman shared her story with me. He and his sister grew up in a home full of money. “Because of that experience,” he told me, “I became a small person because I didn’t want anything to do with my way of life.
I have never forgotten his words and the power of his example.
There may be tendencies that we have inherited in the past because of the way we were raised, but we are never a prisoner to it. Our behavior is not always universal. And just because something feels familiar doesn’t mean it’s necessary. We always have the power to break patterns that no longer serve us.
The more we cling to big ideas—about ourselves or the world around us—the more we limit what we can do.
We think, “I’m not the only one. Everyone is the same. I can’t help myself.”
But what if that’s not true? What if the story you tell yourself about who you are and what you need is not the only story that can be told?
You may have grown up in a home where women love fashion, but that doesn’t mean every woman loves fashion. And once you realize that, you can begin to overcome that temptation.
You may have grown up in a family where men love cars, but that doesn’t mean every man loves cars. And once you realize that, you can overcome that addiction.
If you are an artist who believes that all artists need many things to be creative, you will never open yourself up to the possibility that “the enemy of art is lack of limitation” (as Orson Welles once said).
Freedom begins when we stop giving our limits to the world and start giving back the possibilities for change. That is why it is very dangerous to think that our knowledge is universal.
I don’t mean this to sound harsh or aggressive. On the contrary, I hope it will open up opportunities and opportunities in your life to live differently.
Change is always possible. And if a change in your life can benefit you and your loved ones, I hope this truth will give you the strength to feel it today.