Imagine how happy I was, dear reader, to find that the topic I wanted to write about – respect for the etiquette of clothes – exists on a sliding scale of uniformity.
I like the sliding scale. Whether it’s legal, color or craft, I like to explain how a question that is often treated as binary is best understood as a softly shaded spectrum, where we all live in different places at different times.
Morality is the same, because morality is about considering and respecting the people around you, so what is considered good behavior depends on those people. (Like the questionwhether you are dressing yourself or others.)
Personally, I hate it when people don’t take their hats off in the house. It slightly obscures their faces, making it difficult to talk to them; it feels like they’re still wearing a piece of outerwear, so they can get up and go at any time; and it just feels weird, out of place.
As you must have noticed by now, some of those reasons are intentional, some are subjective, and some are highly dependent on the society around you.
It is the story of our time. I think most people today would notice if someone kept their hat on the dinner table, but they would have cared more in the past.
And it’s a matter of place. A friend from New Mexico told me recently that where he is, western hats are definitely reserved for meals like Sunday lunch. In fact, the more formal the event, the more needed it is.
However, removing your hat from the house is a common point of etiquette. Most readers will probably agree with it – it sits towards the normal end of the smoothness scale.
What’s on the other side? However, a student once criticized me for carrying my brimmed hat with the crown facing inward, rather than outward. I was holding it at my side, and because the crown was facing my thigh, the inside of the hat was exposed.
It’s a shame.
I had never heard of this as a rule, so I’m sure it’s rare and ancient. I think I can see the idea – most of our clothes hide the line and don’t show it on purpose, in the same way that earlier shirts were considered underwear and were hidden by coats and jackets. That sort of thing would work in a hat; but it is a stretch.
If those two can be extremes, what lies in between?
I know that there is one rule than that the umbrella must be held by the handle, especially when walking. I can see how this looks and works – your hands are less likely to get wet in a damp canopy.
But, it’s something I rarely do because when I carry such an umbrella, I feel formal and old-fashioned, like I have to wear a bowler hat.
Since I love tailoring so much, I try to wear it casually so that it doesn’t look out of place in a society where few wear suits and ties. For the same reason, I try to avoid accessories (like an attaché case) that can prevent this. An umbrella carried like a stick is in that vein.
So I don’t follow that rule, be that as it may.
There really aren’t many rules about how you dress (as opposed to what you wear – lots of them). So it’s hard to combine enough to make a continuous scale.
But I think readers will know what I mean. The manners at the dining table are the same.
When I tell my children not to talk with their mouths full, it seems reasonable, as the sight of half-chewed food is unacceptable. But it is very difficult to convince them that you should never put your elbows on the table. And it is impossible to argue that the soup should be taken away from the bowl rather than near it. There is a sliding scale where we go from more instinctive and universal, to less.
Maybe likerulesaboutwhatclothing, the key is to understand why the law exists and decide whether to follow it. Keeping your elbows off the table will often improve your posture – how you sit – but it’s more effective to keep that in mind than to focus on the elbows.
As always, I’m interested in what readers have to say about this, but I’m more interested in what rules of etiquette you follow and how much you think that depends on where (and when) you live.
